June 24th, 2009
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try anything

i like any kind of plastic grid-like material. like orange construction fencing. this held some kind of fruit. or maybe it was onions, i can’t remember.
i don’t know why I am drawn to these things but i am. i also love orange rope and those thin orange sticks they put into the ground on construction sites.
my thoughts are very scattered these days. I keep sitting down to write and my brain gets too anxious. (maybe it’s because I am reading too much Bucky, the forward written by his grandson states that reading him can be a bit “disorienting”.) I love that he constantly made up his own words to get his ideas across. you kind of have to “see the bigger picture” with him, instead of trying to decipher each sentence and find meaning in it. it’s better to find meaning in the greater whole.
i have been working on purging “stuff”, and get a bit overwhelmed by the process of it. there is a point where you have to push through and get past the “stuckness”. you can also apply this concept to creating something, as there are often block that come up that make you want to quit. you get overwhelmed at some point and think “this is not working”, I’m not very good at it. but what you don’t know at the time is that the place you have to push through to is very close, just inches or minutes away. it might be a simple as moving one item. but you don’t know that because you’re stuck on the side of uncompletion which feels bad (read: self criticism). those of you reading this who have given birth may recall that the moment most women want to quit is right at the point of “transition”, (when the body is coming through the birth canal). But at that point you are almost done!
this is why it has become so helpful to me to perceive everything as an experiment. because the next step then becomes about trying anything. just make a move no matter what it is and a different conclusion than the one you are faced with will arise.

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