July 20th, 2005
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Just the act of putting words on paper help to pull me up onto my feet again. That and a few words sent by a chorus of strangers, and also some friends. I find myself saying thank you a lot these days. Sometimes you send words out into the world not knowing what they are capable of, such a simple thing. I am still amazed by it. I am not trying to do anything special, only share some of my process in this sometimes messy life.
My husband left for California today, driving across most of the US with a full car (mostly books I think). I am sad for the moment, but I will be joining him at the end of August (after dealing with all of the things that one deals with when moving). Back to hearing his voice every night on the phone.
The woods are calling to me now. I have needed some alone time, to just be with my heart, to process, to let go, to feel o.k., to find some wisdom. There is another funeral party today at the legion across the street from my house. Men dressed in dark suits, women in their ‘funeral only’ dresses (black with white flowers pinned over their breast), and I am reminded once again that life can be fleeting. How quickly we forget even when we tell ourselves, “I promise to live better from now on”. I say this after every funeral I attend, and trust me, there have been a lot. I am convinced that we should all attend funerals on a weekly basis just to remind ourselves of this, (though I did know a funeral director once and he wasn’t any better off for it, arguably worse.)
So maybe instead what is needed is a constant visual re-affirmation of life. Just the words…

I think I will put that on a shirt and wear it around.

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