July 22nd, 2004
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the bowl

We start out whole. Complete. Along the way, we may feel that something is wrong, or missing. We aren’t the way we’d like to be or the way we think we should be. A crossroads, a new stage in life, a turning point, a crisis, when we feel we may crack, or we do crack, can be a difficult, frightening time.
And, sometimes we deliberately crack our own bowl.
With time and great care and tender patience, we can reexamine the pieces, knowing that when we are ready, a solution will come. We can glue the pieces back together.
This bowl looks far more interesting, more beautiful than before it broke. The pieces are the same, but it’s a different bowl than when I started.

-Sue Bender fr. Everyday Sacred
I am spending time examining my new bowl. Getting used to a new life. Deep at the root of it I find that the person I am so afraid of losing is still there. A young girl. She is still sitting on the floor drawing and painting and enjoying the present moment. She does not worry about the unknown because it does not affect her. Her only job is to see what is right in front of her at any given moment.
I have been in that place that most creative people go, so many ideas and projects to start. Excited and wanting to do them all at once, but not knowing where to start. Bursting with ideas, unable to focus. It is a great feeling at times, though anxious. MUST DO, MUST DO.
I know what the solution is.
To let the girl sit and draw and paint. Enjoy the warm breeze. Swim in the pond. Let the ideas bubble up on their own and tell me what step to take next, if indeed a step needs to be taken at all. Ideas cannot be forced out in a mad rush. It is the part of me that looks at other people’s careers and compares and says, ‘i should be doing more’ that wants to push. To this part I say, “it is o.k. we need some time to just be right now. Time for vacation.”
\Va*ca”tion\, n. [F., fr. L. vacatio a being free from a duty, service, etc., 1. The act of vacating; of no force.
of no force.
time for daydreaming, reading, and treating myself. yes.
of no force.

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