August 1st, 2007
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summer blahs

the summer is not my best creative time. I’ve been trying to figure out why this is. the heat wears me down and leaves me feeling as lifeless as a deflated balloon. i find myself asking, where is that excitement i usually have about getting up in the morning? normally i will sit in bed and smile about the thought of breakfast or going for a walk. but these days it’s all i can do to even sit down and do the simplest of tasks, read a book, or eat a meal.
I read a post on Katherine’s blog that expressed perfectly what I have been feeling and left me relieved and feeling like this is where I meant to be. just a part of the creative cycle of things. we are a part of nature and subject to it’s influences. this thought comforts me to no end right now.
last night I sat outside, lit some candles and just watched the stars for a couple of hours. this simple act was perfect. all i need is to give myself permission to be, whatever that means in the moment.
i suppose my psyche just wants time to be in the world and not try to shape it in any way. I resist it, feeling like I should be producing something. but that pressure is tiring too.
if you look at nature you might start to notice that animals slow down at this time of year. they retreat to a shady spot or wade lazily in the water. they are not pressuring themselves to exercise or create something for others.
eat, sleep, retreat.
If I place myself into this cycle it leaves me feeling connected to something much bigger and more powerful than just my own thoughts.
i am watching and taking notes.
i will replace the thoughts with stones found on the beach. dried up leaves.

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