February 10th, 2005
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free to fumble


After a week or so of plus seven temperatures (almost jean jacket weather), a heavy snow descends. A night of tossing found me retreating to the red couch where I watched the snow fall. If you lie down with your head in front of the window it looks like the snow is going to fall on you. Almost. I dream of a house by the ocean with green smells, wave noises and birds flying overhead.
I miss the birds. But they will find me again curled up in the purple hammock.
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I read in “Learning by Heart” that the root word for “amateur” comes from the latin “amare”, meaning “to love”. It implies that when we approach the things we are drawn to naturally we do it from a genuine place, a place of love. The place of openess where anything can happen. “When we pursue a thing for love, we are free to fumble and make mistakes. The couse of our work may not run smoothly, but we are open to possiblities, embracing everything we have contact with.”
We must strive to approach the work as an amateur. Sometimes that can be difficult because the brain wants to save us from failure. “RETREAT!” it yells, “you are pearched precariously close to disaster.” That may be true. I recognize that I still struggle greatly with embracing the hard bits. But I know for sure that i AM learning something. I AM growing.
Open to the possibilities (amidst the fears).

 
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