May 18th, 2007
eager to ripen
the above image was inspired by a member of the “wreck this journal” group on flickr who shared the wonderful technique of blowing a drop of ink across a page using a tube or straw, (in this case it was a bic pen tube). what’s brilliant about it is you never know what it will do, you have little control over that ink.
the resulting image sort of sums up my state of mind.
loose ends, loose ends, paperwork, interviews, one last one today, mailings, emails and more emails, taxes, illustration work.
these are the things my days have been about for the last few weeks.
i am winded and in need of some down time. some filling up. i think i’ve even forgot how to write, my brain is so full of other things. unimportant things. things that have nothing to do with survival or the earth.
i got my first copies of ‘wreck this journal’ this week. i am loving it even more than before and destroying my own copy in little bits every few hours. it is strange that i will not be here when it is released in a couple of weeks. not be around to see how the world receives it. but it is for a good reason.
on sunday we are off to spain and morocco (after months and months of waiting). no agenda. none. just to wander and eat and sleep wherever we end up. a bag on my back and some new foods in my belly. a bit of spanish wine. a guidebook with pages folded down, a few important words underlined. words in a language different than my own, like pension, pescaderia, playa. i will have my journal. an old paperback novel by graham greene, with pages buckled from being left out in the rain. maybe the herman hesse, though I’m trying to travel light this time. i always seem to find myself loaded down with books, wanted to bring my favourites as if they are friends coming on the journey with me. how could i leave them behind?
i have no idea who I will be when I return. travel always changes you and the new places fuse themselves into your being somehow affecting the way you see your life. but you can’t know how before you begin. just like the ink.
this would probably be a good time to share more words of herman hesse on the subject of wandering.
“Over this brave small road, the wind blows. Tree and bush are left behind, only stone and moss grow here. Nobody has anthing to look for here, nobody here owns anything, up here the farmer has neighter hay nor wood. But the distance beckons, longing awakens, and through rocks and swamp, snow, they have provided this good little road, which leads to other valleys, other houses, to other languages and other men…..
But I smile, and not only with my mouth. I smile with my soul, with my eyes, with my whole skin, and I offer these countrysides, whose fragrances drift up to me, different senses than those I had before, more delicate, more silent, more finely honed, better practiced, and more grateful. Everything belongs to me more than ever before, it speaks to me more richly and with hundreds of nuances. My yearning no longer paints dreamy colors across the veiled distances, my eyes are satisfied with what exists, because they have learned to see. The world has become lovelier than before.
The world has become lovlier. I am alone, and I don’t suffer from my lonliness. I don’t want life to be anything other than what it is. I am ready to let myself be baked in the sun till i am done. I am eager to ripen. I am ready to die. ready to be born again.
The wold has become lovelier.”
excerpted from Wandering by Herman Hesse