Drawing city people at the local cafe. You can always tell they are "from away", they seem a bit out of their element unsure of the rural protocol. I spose that was me a few short years ago.
Found deer tracks in the woods yesterday, (much harder to do in the summer than the winter when they are sprawled randomly in every direction.) The deer must be gorging on apples that have dropped from the trees. I cracked at least 50 of them with the ball of my shoe. The blackberries are out and every day on my walk now I stop and feast for a while.
I found another half dead/half alive tree, one with a red circle painted on it. I felt much like Virginia Woold walking and talking to myself about a new book idea. A bird sitting in the long grass flew up flapping its wings hysterically and startled me.
These days I seem to be flipping back and forth between extreme excitement and joy about the impending move, and actual panic at the idea of leaving my home of the last eight years. Today is a good day, I am getting stuff done, mailing the last personal items, talking to the phone company, finishing illustration work. Yesterday I was teary and terrified, asking the universe (and whoever else is up there rooting for me) for help because I felt weak and lacking in courage. Sometimes I feel silly, it's not like i'm moving to a third world country, there will be very little in the way of culture shock. I so admire people who go off to Africa for a year doing field work or foreign aid, and I would like to do that some day. But I am reminded that any change takes courage no matter what the degree, and there is always that initial fear of jumping into the abyss, (the unknown), as Wendell Barry put it,
"Always in the big woods when you leave familiar ground and step off alone into a new place there will be, along with feelings of curiosity and excitement, a little nagging of dread. It is the ancient fear of the Unknown, and it is your first bond with the wilderness you are going into." -Wendell Barry, naturalist
Posted by kerismith at August 17, 2005 01:35 PMCan't remember exactly how I found your site, but it was a good day. Lately I have been looking at my brushes and pencils wistfully, wondering how I will make friends with them again after such a long time eyeing them nervously from afar while doing work-work (design). In my head, I bake you some vegan chocolate cake and send my thanks for your generous heart.
cheers!!
jen
Hello Keri! My name is Katie and I'm 15. I want to let you know what an inspiration you are to me. I found your site a few weeks ago and have been enthralled ever since. The way you draw truely amazes me. I only hope that I can be half as good someday.
Keep up the good work! :)
Hi Keri,
I actually think the hardest move I've ever made was my recent interstate one rather than two previous overseas ones to faraway, third world regions. I find as I get a little older that I yearn more for some semblance of roots, but as I settle into my new home of three months, and sigh heavily considering all the bumps and moments of sadness that have come and gone, I'm learning and growing through it all. The home I carry inside me will always be the one that matters the most, and so on days when I don't feel any sense of connectedness or security in this new city and state of mine, I just try to turn inward and there I get that sense of familarity and old love and sense of connection as I check in with my heart and soul and know that I am still here, old me, sometimes old crabby me these days, and that I'm safe and on the right track.
Everything that matters most goes with you whereever you go!
i love the barry quote so much. thinking of the painful anticipation as an actual "bond" with the great unknown seems like a comforting perspective. i will post it up where i can see it just in case i begin to hyperventilate during my own move. i know i say this to you all the time, but you are not alone. we are not alone!
Posted by: pixie on August 19, 2005 09:37 AMI love your work... I hope you don't mind if I put a link to your site on my poor blog?
www.thebigfish.blogspot.com
Keri - I know that things are very hectic for you right now and this probably sounds crazy but I would like to make a suggestion - something for you to check out and perhaps consider - I think you should have a podcast. Now, the only reason I think you should do it is because I would want to listen to you talk about art and life - books and tea, etc. It doesn't have to be long, just a few minutes, every few days or weekly. There is a void in the podcast selection - nothing wonderfully creative.
love your collage work - best of luck on your move - I'm happy that you will enjoy a little better weather this winter!
Lisa
Posted by: lisa on August 18, 2005 12:59 PMHi Keri,
I come here often (as you may have noticed by my random comments--a little like scattered deer tracks perhaps) for inspiration, and am never let down. It was fun to see a line drawing--you haven't done one in a while. I second jillian with wishing to see where you walk--or at least a sketch or painting of it... What do you say? And as to your move, I dont think it would be normal to feel any other way. Stuck in the middle between panic and expectation. You seem like someone who will use it as a great source of inspiration, even if it's the pits!
Please don't let the exterior of your new home scare you off. :) We, too, live in a place with a boxy old suburban exterior, but it's quite charming inside. Five years ago, I moved sight unseen from Portland (Oregon...which you know is a happening place if you've ever been there) to a tropical outpost that was completely devoid of any sort of culture. And I lived to tell the tale. :) Davis is an absolute godsend after that...not because it's brimming with culture (we go to S.F. for big doses of that)...but because of the sensibility here. As someone said to me at my new job: you're among friends here. Hope that helps.
Posted by: Marilyn on August 18, 2005 09:10 AMHello Keri your site has really kept me going for the last year, whilst dreaming of becomming an illustrator. Now at 33 I am about to embark on illustration degree. This opportunity came out of my worst nightmare, the end of my 11 year relationship. Now, going to throw myself into the course and also moving back to my parents will allow me to fund it. Huge fears and reservations but keep doing as you are doing and trusting the universe. If only we could glimpse into the future and know it would all be ok. Thankyou for sharing your thoughts and experiences, reading this has always drawn me closer to my own creativity and this is my raft at the moment.
good luck, embrace the changes, Gillx
Hi! Even though I am just a guest of your site, I enjoy it so much! I look forward to reading it every day. There are a couple of other sites I feel akin to. Thank you for sharing. When ever I have had to move , the first thing I do is make the place "my own". You can do it I know from your personality! I think that it's really neat that you found the tree with a circle, since your theme is circles. Round and round we go!!!! Peace--Pam
Posted by: Pam on August 17, 2005 08:32 PMI can really identify with you . We are moving in about 6 weeks across the state and I keep going between excitement and panic attacks. I remember reading about you moving into a not so appealing house when you get to CA. That was my situation when we moved HERE 3 years ago. But after three years of renovations and tlc, this house was on the market 3 days and it got an offer. Looking around it was OUR essence that brought it to life and that is what will happen to you when you move into your next place. It will naturally become a warm , inviting and cozy place that you will indeed call home.
Posted by: roz on August 17, 2005 07:11 PMI felt the same way when I moved several hundred miles from my hometown and family, to be closer to my boyfriend. It was hard, but once I got here I felt like I'd always been here. It's good to experience new places. Good luck with your move!
Posted by: Milly on August 17, 2005 07:05 PMI would love to see pictures of all the lovely places you walk. I know you're leaving soon, but if you happen to have some you should upload them. I feel as though all the places around me are not nearly as soothing as the woods around you.
Posted by: Jillian on August 17, 2005 03:03 PMFirst of all, congrats on spotting the deer tracks. I'm always so proud of myself for being able to spot them when there's no snow cover -- it's like a little gift! Have you ever found antlers that have been "rubbed off"? That's a joy, too.
Keri, any change does indeed take courage. And as someone who has been reading your blog for quite some time, I know that you have the courage to do anything. You are an incredibly talented and smart woman -- and I can't thank you enough for sharing glimpses into your world with all of us.
Embrace the changes. I know I don't have to encourage you to pay attention to the details -- because you've got that down. Can't wait to hear all about the move & your new journeys.
All the best,
Sarah
p.s. Not only would I buy myself a few of the mini collage charms, I'd buy a bunch for gifts!!!!