I remember reading about this technique in your book and it has really helped me answer a few questions. Thank you for sharing.

i don't believe in perfection. and it makes things easier somehow.

you are such a fab person. you guide and inspire me :D

Keri,

Wow. its so true. I was thinking today how much I KNOW my judgements are projections of myself. But, when I think of it, I feel its almost laughable..."I'M not that shallow, greedy, and self-centered".

thanks for sharing this. It struck a deep chord. We all want unconditional love 24/7.

Courtney

This is so powerful. I may try this sometime. I just posted similar feelings on my blog. It is about me, at 36, needing to learn to believe in me first. To know that I am ok without everyone elses imput and praise. To be just ok with who I am, not trying to be something I am not. Your last statement just seemed to free me a bit. "their disappointment was based on their own expectations of themselves, on their own fears". That is a huge eye opener for me. Thank you for putting this out here!

Synchronicity. I was just stopping in to thank you for the book recomendation-Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom. And here is this post which is a similar dialogue the book had inspired in my heart. My two young children do not oft nap at the same time and i was just reflecting this morning that no matter how early I rise or late I retire, one of them is awake as of late. As I read i recieved so much energy by realizing how much my desire to be the perfect mom/wife has really just created a zombie. How much I am stopped in my tracks as an artist by fear of rejection, so much so taht I can barely get something into my personal sketchbook. How I became an art teacher instead of an illustrator out of fear. Luckily, its brought me much joy, but now that i have decided to stay home with my children, my artist self is saying hello again, pay attention to me. Well, back to my iced tea and mini vacation. They even fell asleep outside on this beautiful muggy overcast day where every flower in my garden just ooozes its sweet smell. Synchronicity. Om.
Take Care,
Mary

Keri.
Thank you.
I've said it before and I know I will say it again--you so often express ideas and words that are locked inside of me but desperately need to be declared out loud.
I take comfort in the fact that when I reach perfection I may as well be dead--for there will be no more to learn. If I am exactly who I am now, when I reach fifty I will be disappointed.
'You have time' - so long as you have air to breathe.

I think everyone has this conversation, but not everyone hears or understands that others disappointments are based on their expectations. I'm in the process of trying to learn to become more effective at work, which in turn will make me more effective in all of my relationships. I, too, have the same perception of the consequences of doing things based on what makes me happy. Slowly, I'm trying things that do make me happy. And you know what? People still like me. I still feel like I'm being selfish, though. It's a lifelong work in progress. Thanks for sharing.

something like that ymke. yes. or maybe more like right and left brain.

I love the name ymke.

i think i will try to write with right and left hands*.

*not many people know this but I have great difficulty telling my rights from my lefts (with directions, etc). I have to do the 'L' shape thing with my fingers pretty much every time.

k.

Keri,

I wonder; is this a conversation between your left and you right hand?
(you'll know what I mean if it is.. if not; it's a wonderful process you can try)

ymke

Keri,

Wanting to be liked as an artist is understandable; yes, there is the bill paying part, but there is also your creativity which reveals a lot about you as a person, much more so than, say, a job as a secretary. This makes you more vulnerable and any criticism is likely to be taken more personal. It is only natural that you would try to avoid this. I am not an artist so I may have got this all wrong of course!

The 30s are in many ways a wonderful age as you are getting closer to being the person that you are, and your self dialogue is proof of this. It does get better, I promise.

And life becomes more about who YOU like and want to spend your time with rather than the other way around.

the fact that you exist does not need to have a plan or a strategy. You can relax on it.

Wow Keri, great writing! This is the exact conversation I have been having with my self the last few weeks. My expectations for my own behavior and my friends behavior are all out of whack. You have some wonderful insight here and I can't wait to contemplate it some more. Thanks for sharing with us.

Keri,
Even the buddha had imperfections....
you are just fine,
accept it all.
Marc

I too am afraid of not really being who I think I am. And lately I have been wondering how to break out of this pattern I have of worrying that if I say no to anyone that they will not like me anymore. I worry about what people think of me vs. what they say to me what they think of me. I'm trying to learn that what they think is really their own responsibility, as my thoughts are mine. But even when they say they like me, I wonder if they are thinking differently. I'm pretty sure that this is my own problem. I mean, even when someone says no to me, even if I momentarily am annoyed that they are saying no or if I am even angry that they are saying no, I get over it pretty quickly and it doesn't mean I dislike them. In fact, I'm pretty sure I admire and respect them more that they can say no. So...what was I saying? Oh, yeah -- I guess what I'm saying is that I totally hear what you are saying. Thanks for saying it so I could see that others feel the same.

I suppose, at times. I think that is what I am writing about.

but is also about creative expression, and sharing a process.

And isn't this diary (among other things) just anothe tool of vanity? with your reaers in the supporting role of the choir in a Greek play singing: Oh Kerry you are so great!

People who admit they're flawed are so much easier to like than people who present themselves as perfection. Right now I'm struggling with forgiving my own flaws, and learning to not pay attention to those imperfect people who pretend they're perfect.

Thank you for your honesty. I was feeling the exact same things about an hour ago. sometimes I think we all spend so much time tryin' to be whatever we think will make others like us more.. or what we think we "should" be... that we lose sight of everything important about ourselves. We take all these cut-up pieces from others that we like and we paperclip them to ourselves, but often times they don't fit very well and eventually fall away and we are still left being ourselves.

I know you are with me, when I say, "I so want to be me." And I like you just the way you are.

~shawn

You might enjoy: "There is Nothing Wrong With You" by Cheri Huber.

Keri-

You are so very brave for sharing this with us. I can relate to each and every part of it. And I think that it is likely that most everyone else can as well. Sometimes it is just hard to admit that we are all so fragile and caring about who we are and what others think of us. Thank you for reminding us that we can only strive to be the person we want to be and not the person we think other people want us to be.

Cindy