Congratulations seem odd, but in order.
Thank you for sharing this.

Thanks for sharing it.

keri,
this post gives me more hope than you know.
thanks for the lifeline.

It sometimes sounds to me, when reading your journal more recently Keri, like you are in the midst of transitioning from an 'Illustrator,' to an 'artist'. Or at the very least, you are breaking down any barrier there ever was between those two words. It may be a personal journey, but you at least make me aware that theres another, braver way to create. I'm not there yet. I enjoy my facade of stylized cuteness too much.

Keri,

I noticed that there has been a sadness in your posts recently, but also strength.

I carried a quote in my wallet from Beatrice Wood for years. It said (something like this), to live you must be honest, compassionate, and have knowledge of yourself. I think you have that spirit, and you are unstoppable.

Honouring your cracking, spilling open, growth like flowers through cement edgings, blossoms in walls. Even when we tumble down, we still exist.
We are.

We have to dare
to be ourselves,
however
frightening or
strange that self
may prove to be.
-May Sarton

Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might gain by fearing to attempt.
-- Wm Shakespeare

That is such a powerful quote. To expose yourself to annihillation to find the indestructible. I want to really thank you (and Christine Miller!) for this insight. I think this is what my entire blog has helped me to achieve these past few years. I certainly have exposed myself over and over. I think that to put everything that is you *out there*, without the facade, shows the world how capable you are more than anything else.

Keri...I think everyone has been there. I know I have. When I am in that place, I think of something Anne Lamott wrote. In effect, she says that when everything feels broken she sees it as a sign that something beautiful is about to be born. I also think of something that Winston Churchill said: If you're going through hell, keep going.

I wonder if it's some sort of celestial or meteorological thing- almost everyone I know is taking radical steps to change things. It's like a sudden wake up call for many of us. I would blame it on our age, but my friends are all different ages so I wonder if we are all inspiring motion in each other, like a line of dominoes falling on one another. Your change and exploration has inspired me. Thank you for being so honest- it's nice to know those we so admire go through the same things.

I guess it's all part of the process...

oh yes..on a more playful note, I have also been in that cracked open, oozing place. I imagine all of my assumptions and beliefs to have melted away with my ego. Then I imagined splashing around in the puddle and feeling so FREE! Spiritual Puddle Jumping! WOO HOO!

I saw a quote recently on your site from "Women Who Run with the Wolves" by Clarissa Pinkola Estes. I knew at the moment you must be in transformation. Noone picks up that book who isn't ready. I have been in this place for the last 5 years. I know what it feels like to be singing over the bones of your soul to awaken the truest self. I was just telling a friend yesterday that this process of surrender is like a forest fire. There's a burning away of all that is not you, not necessary or that doesn't serve your greater good. The ashes of the old fertilize the new growth that now has room to grow.

I have enjoyed the darkness and the fire I've seen in the recent morning collages. I've seen a lot of surrender.

You are so brave.

I send you great love and deep clarity.

Wow! I had a crap day, felt like throwing in the towel because I got some feedback that made me feel horrible. Made me wonder what the hell am I doing? I want people to like me, what I am trying to do.
After reading your entry, I realize I will :
a) I will get over it.
b) grow from the crap day.
Thanks.

Thank you! I needed this! I am right in the middle of huge changes in my life as well... hearing this was encouraging.

thank you "s", et al,

I read this today on the last page of "Reading Lolita" (in response to Eliane's comment),

"To have a whole life, one must have the possibility of publicly shaping and expressing private worlds, dreams, thoughts, and desires, of constantly having access to a dialogue between the public and private worlds. How else do we know we have existed, felt, desired, hated, feared?" -Azar Nafisi

it is a bit generalized, but i believe in our twenties we are very busy defining our image while in our thirties we work on defining who we REALLY are, having to remove all the curtains the image was projected on. it is a huge step towards acknowledging real desires, too, and admitting that what has been before often started promising but never lead to where it could have gone to, being too afraid, too scared to stay open long enough for it.
i think your entry is very brave and speaks to my own transitional self :).

To keep designing yourself, is risking you end up an actress, imo. I've seen it. I refuse to reflect too much on my own belly button, I'd rather live with my edgy imperfections. And tes, everybody hurts.

i can understand that, i always try to hide sadness and flaws, not to look perfect but because i don't want people to run away, i want them to like me and i'm afraid the bad parts will scare them away.

YES... little by little, YES. :)