Thank you for expressing yourself Keri. I too am constantly making decisions based on what I think the future holds, rather than thinking about the real solution or problem. Your words ring especially clear today, since I am going through a personal life change that may result in me being a single mother, and the future looks oh so daunting. For today I will try to be ok with not knowing wether I will be alone in six months or not.

i also fear many things. its good that you have got more secure now....wishing you all the security possible in life.

I always worry about the unknown future. A side effect from reading a lot of novels is that I have a large number of possible disasters to choose from... Someone once told me to visualise a beautiful chest or box, and to put my worries into it. Save them for later, so to speak. If they're ever needed, which they probably won't be. I like the idea of keeping the worries instead of trying to get rid of them. It's so much easier just to put them into storage.

"In every crisis there are always a number of "messages", things that can help us tune into ourselves."- Keri Smith..

and if we can learnr to use those messages as life lesson, ah what a life it will be.

Sometimes,life's hardship and journey is not about the pain and joy but the actual journey itself.What we learn,brings us a step closer to be a better self,better individual and a better group of people.

Hi Keri,
I come from a similar place. My mother is still with me, but she had a disease that consumed much of her life as a young woman and as a consequence, much of my young life also. I learned how to survive. I know without a single doubt that I can survive anything. But that doesn't stop the fear. I was so desperate for a sense of security, I married young and created the family I needed so desperately. I'm only just now realizing that the security I craved comes from within. People like you who are brave enough to speak out, do make a difference to those of us who are searching to find their feet...their place. Thanks for that.

Terri.

Keri,
Your mother's illness and death have reoccurred in your postings throught my reading of your wonderful site. I understand what you said today about trying to heal your mother. My mother became ill 6 years ago, progressively so with many ailments, many near death experiences, many hospital visits, etc. My mother died 17 months ago, and one of my sorrows was that I had not been able to save her. I tried, I desperately tried, but I couldn't save her. Her death brought me loss of my mother and the feeling of defeat. But, I know that I did all that I could for her, truly. I know in my head that I would never be able to turn her health around, so I take peace in knowing that while I still had time with her, I made the most of it. You need to take peace in that, too. Your time spent with your mother was time well spent. I like to think that my mother looks down and knows how much she meant to me and how hard a fight I fought to keep her here with me. Perhaps your mother knows the same thing. Maybe they are sitting together on a park bench in the breeze looking down at us with their beautiful smiles upon us. Take care, Keri. Peace is not far off.

I spend so much of my life Keri in fear of what might happen. I don't feel like I make my decisions from that place most of the time thankfully, but still it so deeply cuts into my enjoyment and freedom in my life all too often. So, I share your intention and your goals so much in this area and am really grateful I'm not alone in this. I want to get to the place where i can say that I am sure I will be okay no matter what and be able to handle what comes. My fears completely doubt this though, and thats very hard to live with.

Keri - I love the quote - I think that is from "Women Who Run W/ the Wolves" - right?
I used to read that book when I was going through depression.

I wish you much security in your life!!

So long as you continue to be so honest with yourself, and us, I think you'll do just fine. You are anything but safe to me Keri. You constantly push me farther by simply reading of your deep diving explorations down into the realms of creativity. Sometimes being open and creative becomes hard, and it becomes impossible to get the right perspective on things. I have faith that you can find it again, wherever it is for you. Just don't push it for our sakes.

thank you.

Im like you I believe not knowing is one of the scariest things in the world, however I think you are on the right path, fear is something we must stand up to, and never let it consume.

Every year I participate in the Relay For Life, For some reason I always get the feeling of hope, while I and hundreds of other people are walking together all for the same reasons Love,sadness,and faith.
When all else fails faith prevails!

If it is okay I would like to light a luminary for your mother, The luminary ceremony is always very beautiful.

Hi Keri,

I think that our past successes in dealing with Challenges help us to deal with whatever life throws at us....and you know that something else will come around the corner. It always does...and we can choose to deal with it in a gracious manner...or not :)

I find security in the Lord. Honestly, the only one I can depend on and know without a doubt that I will not be let down. I am secure in knowing that and I do work hard at believing that fact with all my heart.