I'm sure someone has probably mentioned this already, but it bears repeating: Honesty connects people. I know that feeling of gasping reading parts of books or letters (or blogs, for that matter) that ends up feeling either like you've just seen into someone's underwear drawer and that it's okay now, or that someone just looked inside -yours- and wrote about it.

We're all human, and that universal connection, when honestly written and honored...can be totally amazing. Write, girl, WRITE!

Congrats on the upcoming wedding, too!

Thanks for being so honest. I've been having a kind of similar situation where someone working in the same line of business as I is trying (failingly) to sabotage (for lack of any better word) my business (using certain info. from my site and 'blog). I was at first slightly threatened, and thinking I may have done something wrong, but over time I realized as you did that it was the other person's issues and experiences that were forefront, not mine. I decided to just keep on going as I've been, confident and bubbling with ideas. I did, though, decide to edit certain info. from my site and 'blog that I would have earlier shared openly.

YAY! Congratulations.

And...

A hearty, whooping, CONGRATULATIONS!

YAY!!!!!!

Jeff's latest post is so wonderful.

Much love and light to both of you.

Always,

D.

Hi Keri. It took me several sittings to read this blog entry of yours. It resonated with me on various levels. It is one thing to "know" and "understand" that someone else's opinion does not effect how we feel about ourselves but it is quite another step in our journey to "believe" it and "live" it.

I wanted to remind you that your entries are read with compassion.

Keri,

Thanks so much for your bravery and honesty. You have always been an inspiration to me....i love your positive posts, contemplative ones as well as your sad ones. You are a complete person on a journey....you portray this so well and help the rest of us on our journeys too!
I too am/was a people pleaser and one thing i learned is that you cannot please everyone....another thing i have learned is that the closer you are to being yourself the more detractors you attract. Perhaps it makes us stronger in our resolve to be true to ourselves!

Peace, love and glitter,
Violette

Ah...memories of art school critiques...the feeling of being stripped naked - you and your work (which was a part of you) - before your peers. In my senior year illo classes, there was a clear division between the students who worked their hearts out and those that partied hard and did last minute pieces. Usually the party folks were the meanest.

I was from the other side of the house...and was heart-broken all too many times. It is a hard lesson for a person whose nature it is to wear their heart on their sleeve and try to please everyone. I honestly believed everyone was as sincere as I was...not true. Now, at 33, I know you cannot be everything to every person. You must continue to be who you are. Not doing so...is just not an option.

Take care of yourself, Keri, and congrats on your engagement. May you and Jefferson have a lifetime of love and happiness together.

For what it's worth, Keri - your blog changed something for me. I started reading blogs to be inspired to write on my own, and somehow got caught up in politics, drama with strangers fueding, etc. I stumbled upon YOUR blog and used blogrolls to find others. I now only read things that make me feel inspired, and your writing and art does that for me. I'm very grateful to you - ordered your book the other day and listen to your suggestions for other things. Thanks for inspiring me, I really needed it.

Congratulations to you and Jefferson
One million fairies to your happiness

much love

K-

Radical self acceptance...the only path to freedom.

Keep being you.

Wonderful you.

As is.

The MG quote is delightful, and bears DAILY repeating...

A couple more to keep in mind...

"All you need is already within you, only you must approach yourself with reverence and love. Self-condemnation and self-distrust are grievous errors...all I plead with you is this: make love of yourself perfect"
--Sri Nisargadatta

"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I'll meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about. Ideas, language, even the phrase 'each other' doesn't make any sense".
--Rumi

See you in the field.

Love,

-Donavan

great post!

bravo! I so support all that you encompass and all that you create. Yet. I see that above the orange trees there has been much expressed towards a profoundness of love towards you. Yet. I step back and bow before the tenderness of all that is yours. a big smooch and hug of love to you both.

you inspire so many people with your words and pictures. you have many more supporters than detractors as is evidenced by the number of postive comments here. don't let the bastards get you down.

I love Ann Lamott . . . when I feelmyselfgoingtopost and I feel allnegative and judgmental I try to recall how light her revealing usually is, and how much better it is to carry a load lightly like that . . . I love the balance that happens with your posting -some art stuff,some practicalstuff, some life stuff, some deep unearthing of gems from your past,some current tales of love and work . . . I guess its that I come here to bask in the warmth of the essence of you, the sweetness and realness that always meets me when I visit your blog. So if you feel to grow in the direction of more revealing,I give you my unequivacable support and acceptance. :) K

...is there anyone who IS always happy, perky and perfect?!?! let all of your colors shine, keri! we love your rainbow!

Okay, no need for full disclosure girlfriend. I just want to see your smiling happy journal entries. I do not need to pry into your personal life. I am just glad you are able to share what your want to share. We all have a place preserved for only the closest ones. We all deserve those places. So kiddo (I can say that cuz I'm older than you! ;-p) share what you want. A ray of light still shines brightly in a dimly lit place!

Oh and full disclosure....sometimes is comprimised by guys on bikes! Congratulations to finding that one true love! Oh happy day!

Keri -- how is this for critiquing: I LOVE YOUR SITE. i love your style. i love your illustrations. i love reading your new posts. for every negative comment you get, i put money on it that there are ten others who love it. you have been an inspiration to me on a couple of different fronts -- but most importantly to just live my life more creatively and share it with my friends and family. thank you.

Keri, count me among the 'kindred souls' that look forward to 'visits' with you. I recommend a book that encompasses the struggle we face with being ourselves despite other's opinions. It's a young adult book by Jerry Spenelli titled 'Star Girl'. It was given to me by a friend and at the age of 46, I realized that I, too, was a 'star girl' and that it was ok...in fact, I ws to embrace it! I have passed this book on to others, who have all received it's powerful, yet innocent message. Fix yourself something cold to drink, slip into your favorte p.j.'s, get cozy in your favorite reading spot, and feel the hug that sneaks up upon your heart.

Hi Keri,

I just stumbled upon your journal and just became a big fan. I love Anne Lamott as well, and have also been struggling with things like creativity outlets and being absolutely honest with myself. Sometimes I find that I can be honest with everyone else (sometimes brutally) but when it comes to ME to my "innards" I don't speak truth to myself. And I don't listen to myself very much either. I had a very hard time realizing that my blog is for ME and who gives what anyone thinks, really. I was so used to doing things to appease others, I had to seriously re-evaluate. Sometimes I feel like being funny and making everyone laugh, sometimes I'm just tracking my life. I guess what I'm saying is, always do it for yourself, and let others be touched in the truest way. I'm glad that you are sharing and hope that you find it to be a weight lifted. Keep up the good work, and tell your "comment troll" to shove it.
--carrie

I was so encouraged to read Anne's Traveling Mercies and at the same time it stirred up all kinds of angst in me about not being honest enough, not being driven enough to risk all, again, to pursue what I knew was/is the true or at least truer me. There are so many roles to play for others. I love what you have written and how you have laid it down. May you have clarity and wisdom and no small measure of grace to continue on in the process and to share what seems right. In reading The Diary of Anis Nin, I came across a comment that impacted me - you may find it germane. I placed it and a little drawing on my blog just a few moments ago.

thrive!,
o

I've just recently in the last year become more open about who I am as a person. Before that, I was an editor and felt I had to close off my true self, as if having an opinion or wanting to rant about life was off limits. I am so much happier writing how I want to write. Reveal only what you want, but don't hold back out of fear of others. Write what you are comfortable with sharing. It will open you up and make you happier.

Keri, I have been painting furniture & used junk since I've been 15 years old...(I'm now 35) and just getting started it seems. The doubts & fears that can sneak into your mind still amaze me....I mean shouldn't I be over that by now? But I think we all find our own lttle way to overcome all the crap! (me? I garden or go fishing) (yes I said fishing.)
ANYHOO! I adore your work and especially Bea's Diary and have both your Web Site & Bea's as links on my blog...I want my family and friends to get as much pleasure & inspiration from your work as I do! I think there is a little of Bea in all of us!

Keri:

I have a few rules in relation to my on-line journal. First, I don't post anything to do with my immediate family, period. So my wife and sons are all three off limits. Beyond that, though, I've written about whatever is on my mind. Like you I am in something of an odd position as my students occasionally find and read my journal and, of course, my fans do as well. With the fans it's not so bad, although I will say it's sometimes weird to have someone know stuff about me that I've forgotten I posted (or assumed that, when posted, no one ever will read).

I am also noticing that the grammar (tenses in particular) of the above is scrambled. This distresses me although there's no real reason that it should.

Of course, I only remember to update my journal when you remind me too. Egads--does that make me codependent?

Back to the grindstone. Teaching Spiegelman's MAUS tomorrow and am trying to keep it from crashing and burning in the classroom. 12:34am and all I want to do is sleep. In my nightmares, though, I am dead and weeping at the beauty of the world I've left behind. Probably not a good sign of my mental health but, in the words of Vonnegut, "So it goes."

Sending love like a 1,000 pound flaming zeppelin,

Christian

Being part of the 'crowd of people' who don't know you personally, but was lead to you via Dreamhost (yes really), I've enjoyed reading your blog. Here is a twist (no pun intended, well not really) on the Martha Graham quote, from a buddhist perspective. (I keep it by my desk):
The everyday practice is simply to develop a complete acceptance and openess to all situations and emotions, and to all people, experiencing everything totally, without mental reservations and blockages, so that one never withdraws of centralizes into oneself.
This produces a tremendous energy, which is usually locked up in the process of mental evasion and generally running away from life experiences.
– Dilgo Khentse Rinpoche
You go girl!

Have your read The Four Agreements? by Don Miguel Ruiz.
I found his book very helpful and re-read it when I start to fade.
Thanks for sharing.

I can only 'ditto' all that has been said to you, Keri! I especially agree with the comment about you being so incredibly brave to post your life for all to see here. This afternoon I took a book making class at a paper arts store. I was thinking about you, your blog and your book as I constructed my pink and green book -- it is mine to write and fill with what I think is important and inspirational to me. Guess who I talked about to the other gals in my class...you! I told them about your site and how much I love to read it and how inspiring you and your book are...get this...the instructor of our class has your book!! : ) We all have our scars...our secrets...our shames and our imperfections. However, I believe that those of us who 'follow' you here are kind-hearted, caring, gentle souls. I like to think of this as a 'safe place'. I have always been a 'people pleaser' and it really hasn't served me well. I am also learning how to let go, how to say 'oh well' to those who don't agree or like me for one reason or another. Perhaps, Keri, with your vision and spirit, we will all learn along with you in this process of believing in ourselves whole-heartedly and learning how to embrace all that is good for our souls and spirits and leaving behind that which is detrimental. Let us take this walk with you, Keri. I'm lacing up my shoes now! : )

dear readers,
it appears i have what is commonly referred to as a 'comment troll', someone who leaves nasty, disrespectful, and malicious posts anonymously intending to send out bad energy or attract attention to themselves. please ignore any 'questionable' or sarcastic sounding posts. I will continue to delete on my end.
thanks,
Keri

In response to an earlier comment, Keri- you don't owe it to anyone to put on a facade of happiness. You often learn from the sad times more than the happier times. You spoke of Traveling Mercies earlier, so you'll recognize Anne's advice: Get quiet- if you feel a deep sense of peace about something, do it. If you feel sick or distraught- don't. Many people have said you're an inspiration, so remember: you're an inspiration because you're an entire package: happy, sad, contemplative. This sounds like you're 'overcoming inertia' as SARK says (but I don't know you, so I can't say). I'd say ignore specific advice, such as "YES, keep writing!!" and take care of yourself, not us!

Thank you for being so honest and open. You are such an inspiration.

xo

B R A V O !

Keri,
I can only speak for myself here: you are an inspiration to me. I love how honest and true you are here on your blog, even in the face of criticism. (Why is there so much criticism and so little support, anyway?) But, I respect and admire you greatly. I'd reach out and hug ya if you were a little closer.

Oh BOY can I relate to this, Keri.

I have learned (the hard way) that you have to take care of yourself, before you can take care of anybody else.

Thank you for the Martha Graham quote, it's a keeper.

--Ryan.

Dear Keri,

What I read with your post is someone coming to terms with her life and taking control. It is very difficult to portray this happy, quirky persona that you have cultivated and serves you so well in marketing your image and artwork. But a real person with thoughts, fears, expectations, and sucky days lurks beneath the charming drawings and inspirational columns.

the more true you are to your soul, the more honest and alive you will become. Thank you for what you share here and know that I appreciate your courage and drive to be yourself. I look forward to reading more about your growth as an artist and as a person.

Keep up this good, hard work,

a fellow blogger/artist/writer, Loretta

I understand what you are going through. I look at those who critique and try to "shove" their opinions at you and I see how close-minded they can be...as if they are in a box. Everyone has a right to their opinion, but I certainly hope since they have shared that opinion, then they are open to hearing mine (whether they may agree or not). It's not a perfect world, and that's what makes it so interesting. So when you hear critiques and judgements, be thankful for your open mind and open spirit. Do what makes you happy. Let go of negativity. Breath IN the good air, and OUT the bad air. Embrace the good and the bad, for you learn from them both. You are loved and respected by so many, may your life continue to be touched.

You are one of my inspirations, and I really appreciate your sharing these thoughts. I am coming to the same point myself (who says I can't choose *that* as a subject matter? who makes these rules?) and it is comforting to know I am not alone in these struggles. Thank you again.

Bravo! I am glad to hear you focusing on pleasing yourself and no one else. I wonder myself why we have this strong, suffocating urge to have people like us. All I can say is I understand what you are saying and I can relate to it.

Keri, don't write for anyone else than yourself. Many people love reading your blog, but don't feel that you owe anyone anything- whether its cushioning their feelings by not writing anything or choosing not to write in here at all. To recall the very little I've read of Letters to a Young Poet, making a decision based on your innermost feelings is infinitely more meaningful than basing them on your perceptions of what others will think. Only concern yourself with your actions, not others' reactions. Most of the people reading this don't know you. If you don't want to keep this blog, don't, sister!

Oh, Keri, if you knew how much I get out of reading your posts! I would never guess that you, with your creativity and success, would have these feelings (like I do).

I am nearly 29 and just starting out freelancing, but I'm in the same place with learning to let go. My son is just over a year old, and he makes me want to overcome these things more than ever.

Just this weekend, we went to Maine with family. Some family friends came for dinner on Saturday. Seeing that Jacob wasn't walking yet, it was implied that he was behind...the person said something about what HER son was doing at one year. As if it meant she was a better mom or that her boy was smarter. So silly.

And I fight it viciously with my work too. Is it as good as everyone else's? I sometimes feel I have to apologize that I don't have room to paint & do more collage work in our small apartment with the baby...."but I will, when we move," I almost say.

So thank you. Thank you for all that you share, and thank you for this post especially. You are an inspiration. :)

Amen, sister. Thanks for outing another bogeyman creeping around in the subconcious. The Critique... words guaranteed to give pause to anyone in the arts. How interesting that at this point in your career that you would be subjected to uninvited critiques (!)... indeed, there must be a lesson there to confront. But thanks for shouldering that load for many of us and getting it out there to face. It's an ongoing struggle, but your thoughtful, honest words put some much needed light and air on the subject.

It comes with the territory, but it's never easy. In any case, Keri, your fans and admirers far outnumber the critics!

Writing the truth and speaking what's in your heart and soul is a challenge. You do it so well. For me, the things that are difficult always cause growth. So, criticism can be flipped to a blessing. Having survived breast cancer I look at things a lot differently.

This post really touched home. It is so easy to go through life and never think twice about how much other people affect how we think of ourselves. Thank you for reminding me that even if our choices are not what other people would choose they are still ours for the making. I think it is important to be open to criticism but it is more important to filter the message. On a side note, you spoke of how other people are brave for being so open and yet I cannot help but say that I think you are incredibly brave and open with your life and thoughts.

I appreciate this post. I have recently had a criticism of my artwork and because the comment was from someone that I knew, I took it very personally. I had to accept that it was their opinion and their thinking, or experience that made them think that. The majority of people have had great comments on the art but none show through as the one negative comment. And truth be told, I am not sure if it really was negative but just something observed. I too must not take into account others thoughts and actions as something that makes me who I am. They do not make me anything. No one can make us anything. I think we forget that.

Funny that you should write an entry about criticism, especially that agonizing art school process and conclude it with a quote by the infamous Martha Graham. I was studying dance, the Graham technique specifically that wrecked havoc on my poor hips and back and was dealing with hours long critiques that i still cringe at, looking back. Nervous chuckles on an overcast afternoon

I think you're right. Everything you've just said is dead on. I know I've wrestled with the same things you are... and came up shorter than your analysis. Sometimes, the most meaningful things are ones that cause an adverse inital reaction, I think anyhow. As for how much you are willing to share, I decided in my weblog to say exactly what I was feeling after all you are doing it for yourself as well. Sharing causes growth, not only in yourself but in those you've shared with. Take care and keep up the great work.