All of your postings spoke to me...I just began reading them and found May 5 "Enough". It's as if you read my innermost thoughts. What a fabulous person you must be...keep writing, you words inspire me to do the same.

Hello Keri:

I found out about your site through Marney at Artella ... and I just wanted you to know how much of an inspiration your musings on life have been to me ... You write about things so clearly ... things that most people cannot usually get a handle on because they are swirling around in their heads!
Thank you for following your bliss and being who you are in this world ...

You were my little message today. Thank you! YOu spoke directly to what I am dealing with as well. :-D

I was having a day just like that yesterday when I read this entry. Thanks for being a person I could identify with, and today I am painting again! thanks, your on my blogroll now!

I suppose it's time for the blurkers to come out, too... I have been reading your site for ages now and I rarely comment, but still immensely enjoy what you have to say - both in writing and in drawing/painting. It seems like you haven't been feeling all that good recently, and it makes me sad to read that you are struggling with your self-confidence. I mean, it's a human thing, and of course you're human too - or is it a woman thing? So many great women don't think they're good enough, myself included. Even if their work is amazing, like yours. Be strong, you're great! You'll come out on the other side.

And for Emily: Move out! Leave! Go to the city and try doing what you want - get a crappy job in the film industry and work your way up. Just go, and if it doesn't work out, you can always go back. But have a go at it - you're worth it.

Keri,
The thing is..there are a lot of people out there like me who read your blog and look at your website and marvel at your gift. You are inspiring so much more than you realize. You are human. Do not doubt that you have a purpose in this crazy world. You touch many lives. What you do (putting yourself out there) is risky, but please feel the acceptance and admiration of all of us who aspire to expose our own creativity.

Keri,

I don't know what to do. I feel like I need a change. A change of personality, a change of scenery. But I'm only 21, and I'm not qualified to do what I would love to do - work in the film industry "behind the scenes". I also live in a small town in Australia, and I don't have a lot of money. I have a passion for art and creating, a job that I like but is failing to stimulate me, and I still live with my parents.
So I continue to drift through, shuffle through, until I figure it out. But I'm sending myself insane doing so.
I desperately would like to travel, but I'm fearful of that too.

What do you think I should do?

I ask you because it is you I most admire as being a creative person. I've read all your articles and blog entries, searching, and finding inspiration in your writing.

I hope you (or someone) can help.

Emily.

Trying to do everything, to be everything, is being yourself too. You are always yourself, at any moment. The only difference is being (aware of) in the first Nen, or in the following Nens.
The first Nen is this moment, exactly this moment. Everything (You) is what it is in this moment. It has no name, no judgement, it's just there, it is. The second Nen is the interpretation of it, one count later. The name, the definition, the function.. Following nens are about the judgements, what you think of it, etcetera... In which Nen you are or think you are can be different. But you are always yourself.

Linda! Exactly! Our creativeness should never be work. We should look at it as play and play until we are exausted from laughing! It's wonderful when we can actually do what we want, and I think Keri has it right.

I don't think of Keri as an over-acheiver but just an acheiver. I think next to a lot of people who only talk about doing stuff, she looks like superwoman because she seems to follow through.

From reading her thoughts I get the idea that there's frantic moments with deadlines or lots of ideas buzzing but that she's not out to do everything to prove something. She's doing what she wants and acheives a lot because of that.

I've been struggling with being to lazy to paint after I get off work everyday. I'm an art director who aspires to illustrate on the side, but I just don't seem to have the energy for it all and I keep putting it off. But I made a mental breakthrough this week. The sentence my critic loves to say is "You're lazy." I finally figured out that the critic is absolutely right. I would always rather play than work. Isn't that what being lazy is all about? And therein lies the answer for me. I've been thinking of painting as work, which makes it something to procrastinate, something that requires energy and concentration. Now I'm working on thinking of it as play, because once I get started, that's what it becomes. Now I can be lazy and eat my cake, too, or something like that. :-)

Wow, an inner critic writing in "look at me" red!... My inner critic loves to scream at me, especially when I'm writing. Guess he likes to see me cry. I found out that good earphones and rock music are enough to drive him away.

Love what you write, Keri. Suits me like a tailor-made glove :)

Excellent. And yes, it is enough just being yourself.

Thank you for sharing this terrific post. I battle my inner critic all the time, but I'm finding that it is getting easier and easier to win the battle. I think that means we might be coming to an understanding. Once she knows I'm not going to give up she usually goes away.

"Truthfully, given a chance I would rather read, nap, eat, daydream or laze about than most anything else."

Yes! Yes! I'm jumping up and down in gleeful agreement! For weeks now, burnt out from work and school, I've been questionning why I don't enjoy all this work although I love photography, but all that WORK! I'd rather pick up a camera only when I feel like it and spend the rest of the time reading, thinking, napping, wandering. Sometimes it's like there is this massive mental block when I have to start, execute and complete a project (pretty much covers it), and I wonder if it does come down to "I know it won't be perfect, not the way I imagined it, so why bother" or "Oh, that'll be so hard, so time-consuming, so draining, to get it even half-way there, and how much satisfaction can I possibly get out of it?". Read lack of confidence sometimes and burnt out other times.

Every step of the creative way, there are little critters tripping my confidence, and the only way I get through it is by lifting my foot ... and stepping on them as I move closer to what I need to do. Or I read your website:-)

Overachieving is the desire to do your best, IMHO. As for the word OVER-achieve, does it mean anything more than we want it to? Beyond achievement? Does that even exist? Kind of like the after-life? I just don't think about it anymore.

And being yourself is enough. Remember, it got you this far. That's not about to change unless you choose.

yes yes yes! there are so many people running around pretending that life is all about the 24/7 happy, shiny - which encourages the rest of us to feel woefully inadequate - but then of course there is lovely you, reminding us that the cracks and funk are quite normal and in the right light, seen by a sweetie with a loving eye, are the very things that makes us beautiful . . . You are way cool, Ms. Keri :)

5{nner critics something? And yours writes in RED, wow!
I just had a little discussion with mine. I finally realized it thinks it's separate from me. So I set it straight.
"Look," I said, "if I grovel with total abject, low selfesteem like the bug or worm you seem to think I am, well guess what, you are going to be crawling right along with me!"
Well good old inner critic seems to have listened, finally. I can tell you I haven't heard a peep out of it since! ( I should knock on wood)
Love these pieces and can't wait for the next book.
It will be for kids?
Or inner critics who seem to be related to turned inner kids?

Well, over achievment to me is actually what I think I often do or at least find myself trying to do. I am constantly busy thinking and creating and find myself constantly "multi-tasking". I am always thinking of a new idea for a painting or for a sculpture and while doing that, I am on the computer and while I am on the computer, the tv may be on with a favorite show. Overachieving to me means trying to do many, many things to achieve a sense of self worth I guess. From a person that doesn't know the pure innner you, Keri Smith, (my last name is also Smith by the way!) we can only see what you present to us through your writings and lovely pictures. The quantities of items I think astonish us as well as the quality. So, those of us that have a hard time finishing anything could see you as an overachiever?

Dear 'Pinky',
I would ask you what is the definition of "overacheiver"? Does that imply that I strive for too much? I'm not sure how to answer that question, where do the lines get drawn?

To be quite honest I've always felt a tendency towards laziness. Ha, maybe that is a symptom of an 'overachiever'. Truthfully, given a chance I would rather read, nap, eat, daydream or laze about than most anything else. Yes, I can be driven at times, but it seems to balance itself out with inertia. I have set up my life in such a way that I do not have to work very much to meet my needs, I make enough to cover my overhead (low), so I can spend as much time as possible doing the things that I feel are important, living, learning, growing, eating, wandering, dreaming, playing.

I am often plagued with the same thoughts. Knowing in my head that they are false is one thing. Knowing it in my heart is another. Thankfully, I am also "plagued" (hehe) with a hopeful, optimistic spirit, so I keep managing to get up and start over again. Will wonders never cease?!

Keri, I've been reading for a while after buying your book last winter. I just wanted to thank you for sharing your words with me, I know this sounds stalker-like but we have so much in common I feel like you are a friend.

What you wrote about just being is very much like something I wrote in my newsletter just yesterday. An excerpt is below, thought you might like to read it...

"This month, I wanted to share a powerful epiphany I've
experienced regarding life purpose. Many of my
friends, clients, people in general, seem to be
wondering lately why they are here. The idea of a
Life Purpose eludes them, they feel it's something
outside of themselves they just can't figure out.

Instead of seeking your Life Purpose, how about
seeking to create a Life FULL of Purpose?

A life FULL of purpose can encompass all of the things
you love to do, all of the people you love, all of the
things that matter to you. A life FULL of purpose
challenges you to create meaning and magic in
everything you do. Whether you're building a home
with Habitat for Humanity or painting your toenails
hot pink- if everything you did was done with
intention and deliberate purpose, what are the
possibilities for joy and excitement?

The idea of a Life FULL of Purpose also releases us
from the "burden" of having to "figure out" why we are
here.

Your life is a gift, given to you, meant to be FULLY
lived. YOU are a gift to the people in your world.
Without having to "change the world", without having
to figure it all out- allow yourself to JUST BE this
month!

Living a life full of purpose, you get to just BE!
Fully, authentically, joyfully YOU!"

Thank you for doing what you do- you are a gift. :)
p.s if you are ever in Dallas you MUST let me know.

The part of you that is scared is very little, I suspect.

I know that when I lose my confidence, it is often the case that my little boy inside feels abandoned, or frightened.

Your little one might be feeling lost.

Pick her up.

Tell her that you have to go and make a speech.

Tell her that she can come with you, lay at your feet and draw while you talk.

She doesn't have to do anything.

She can just take a wee nap while you shine your radiant light at the audience, illuminating them.

All you have to be is you.

Wonderful, Gutsy, Sparkling, Generous, Creative, Kind.

You.

More than enough.

Just right.

Add Sue Atkinsons "Building Self-Esteem"-book to your wishlist. I just read it, and I too, some days like you, feel so... like this feeling you just descibed. The book is so good, and shows that this feeling is common - you're not alone!
:-)

I read the book translated to swedish, but you can find it here:
http://www.amazon.ca/exec/obidos/ASIN/0745931138/qid=1083787390/sr=1-19/ref=sr_1_0_19/702-2727399-7072805

And I thought I was the only one who suffers this. :) It's nice to know that someone else knows exactly where you've been/what you're going through. Thanks for sharing this very important message. I enjoy your blog. I only wish you could post daily! :)

Lovely writing, Kerry! I too do battle regularly (like this morning) with the voice inside that tells me to give up and quit being such a maverick, quit offering what is uniquely mine to offer, and instead join the faceless crowd.
So thank you - you made me smile today.
Jane

It's a hard concept to really accept, that one doesn't need to do anything to be perfectly fine. It means that you have to accept others in the same way. Give up trying to control the universe and just enjoy the ride, whatever that may be.

I enjoy your writings, Keri.
Warm regards,
Kristina

It always seems like I could be doing more. Always. It nags and nags... and sometimes brings me to the point of inaction because I feel so diappointed in myself. But then I realize that all I can expect from myself is what I am doing and just the fact that I had the tenacity to stick with my true passion in life and not give in should be enough to quiet my critic. But those critics are pesky, they are. Sigh.

Right there with ya,
Meg :)

I added your link to my journal because I think that you are an inspiration. I received a comment that you were an over achiever. Do you think that you are? And if so, so what? That's what life is all about isn't it? I think you are wonderful. Don't stop being you.

Signed,
A stranger.

Of course it's enough. Just think of all the people trying to be someone else. Now that is tragic.