it was my mom's bike. as a child i thought it was rather uncool. when you sit on it you feel very upright. it is the most comfortable bike in the history of bikes. everyone who tries it says so. and i encourage everyone to take it for a spin. 'you won't believe it', I say.
riding fast down hills, letting gravity take over, wind grabbing my hair and pushing it back off my face. the world rushes by and i laugh at how free i feel. i am a child again.
it holds so many memories this bike. there is a scrape on the right hand grip where my mother had a fall while riding down a hill. an early sign that her illness was starting to take over. a bloody scraped up leg. a deep pain in my gut. when i run my hand over the grip now i remember it all. many things i did not understand then.
a child with a mother. a summer at the beach, skin peeling, alive, with an appetite that only comes with days spent in the sun, running and swimming. summersaults in the water, around and around. 'watch, i can do it backwards!' 'no wait, i'll do it better this time.' cups of sand falling out of a bathing suit at bathtime. sleep so deep. in bed you fight to hear mothers laughing and telling each other stories late into the night. angry stories about husbands, funny stories about flirting, secret stories about sex, painful stories about cancer. many words i don't understand. murmurs. petty fighting. girlfriend love.
i see her riding the bike down the road waving. smiling. there is a towel in the basket, and a nectarine. she is not supposed to drive so she rides instead. nothing will stop her, not even death.
now it is me riding. waving. smiling.
basket full of food making it hard to take turns easily.
now it is me staying up, laughing into the night with girlfriends. telling stories. girlfriend love is eternal.
I am the luckiest girl on the earth. I have many mothers.
but i miss her.
Posted by kerismith at March 28, 2004 05:50 PMOh Keri Word-Smith...
I too lost my mom. So sad, yet I feel her around me like a blanket quite often.
Or smell her perfume, or feel her hands in mine.
I'm sure your mom is flying alongside that bike as you pedal.
Angel wings spread, whispering...
Faster! Faster! Wheeeeee!!!!!
Posted by: Donavan Freberg on March 30, 2004 05:41 PMdeep, brave, beautiful words.
Lovely!
Posted by: Lynda on March 30, 2004 07:02 AMI miss my Mom terribly. She passed away in January. She was my best friend. Thank you for sharing your story.
Posted by: sophie on March 30, 2004 04:00 AMHow wonderful your words! I also miss my mom, I wish she lives close to me! I'm also wishing to have a cute bike like that, it reminds me of some old photos from Victoria Magazine! (goodness, I miss that magazine!)
Posted by: mabelle on March 30, 2004 01:14 AMAww! That was such a happy/sad post! Hugs to you!
Posted by: finelyspungirl on March 29, 2004 11:54 PMSuch a lovely picture you've painted with your words....your story smacks of summer and sweetness and longing and heartache. I miss my mom, too. Thanks for sharing!
Posted by: Dianne on March 29, 2004 05:01 PMI'm calling my mom right now. That was really beauriful!
Posted by: Mala on March 29, 2004 01:52 PMOh Keri. I miss my ma too. I remember laying awake at night listening to her move about and thinking, soon, I won't hear this anymore...trying to let it all sink in so I would remember.
Posted by: Jane on March 29, 2004 10:28 AMit's so wide, so deep, so high the loss of our mothers. i send you knowing eye contact and wrap a tender blanket of sisterhood around your shoulders.
Posted by: lisa on March 29, 2004 09:56 AMWhew!
I can see her, too.
Thank you for the story and thank you for letting us read the responses too! They are also, no, all so beautiful!
Thank you everyone!
What a sweet memory and wonderful story!
Posted by: Hope on March 28, 2004 11:11 PMyou move me. I just sit here in a state of appreciation for you. You are a mansion of my thoughts. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Posted by: kim on March 28, 2004 10:47 PMi remember having a conversation with my ex-husband's grandmother many years ago. she was very old then and we were talking about my mother and how much i missed her. she paused and said "You know, no matter how old you get sometimes you just need your mother. You never stop needing her."
It's good to remember and keep that in your heart. To know that you can love someone so so much that it almost hurts. It keeps you both alive.
Posted by: jennifer on March 28, 2004 07:05 PM