i am in the midst of a particularly blessed time in my life and i know it. i want to savour it all, inhale every last bit of it. even the stressful parts.
there are so many things to do in the next two months, i’m not even sure where to begin (finish a book, find a home, move across the country, adapt to a new environment while meeting major deadlines, find furniture for the home). during our monthly phone conference, when asked what i would like to manifest in the next month i said to the girls, “calmness in the midst of activity”.
hints of buddha between the nerves.
it will all get done. i will breathe into every dark corner. those places where i get all tied up in knots and panicky. i have a tendency to panic about all of the details at once, it’s part of my survival technique. i am reminding myself that none of the panicking actually helps me, it’s when i sit back and breathe and calmly do a few small things in one direction (not twenty) that it all comes together.
i sit feeling grateful for all the wonderful things that come to me and continue to come to me in recent weeks. there are moments of complete amazement. all i have done and continue to do is to put myself, my energy, and my work out into the world in a constant stream. and the rest really happens on it’s own. (maybe your doubting brain is screaming at this). there is the work, going to the blank page everyday, but there is no longer the pushing of the river. that does not really work (i have proven this many times over). if it is to happen it cannot be forced. you have to be willing to float with the current in whatever direction it tries to take you.
and that means being willing to move in directions that scare the crap out of you.