September 22nd, 2004
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a few words on manuscripts and marriage

I am wishing for a moment to just sit and draw something for no reason other than to make lines on the page. But it seems I am completely booked up with work. Which is good I spose as it makes up for a very slow summer workwise. Such is the nature of my career, when it rains it pours. I always take the slow times as a sign from the universe to work on my own projects, time for me to do those things that have been sitting on the backburner for weeks. I sent out a manuscript today, something I did many months ago. That always feels really good. Even if nothing comes of it I just like the feeling of sending stuff out into the world. I love dropping a package into the mail. You put energy into a piece of work for many weeks, it is all you think about, and then, you let it go.
The last few weeks have been another time of transition. Contemplating what it means to be married, adapting to a new life, developing routine again (after having none for many months). We are starting to ease into a routine together, if you can call it that. I will say that it does feel different, there is a underlying consciousness that was not there before. An awareness that we are walking through this life as true partners, sharing at a deeper level. Something like that, though it is very difficult to put into words. I had a friend try to explain it to me many years ago, and I could not really grasp what he was saying until now.
He said something like, “You go out into the world with the knowledge that this person will be with you no matter what. And instead of being weighed down by that knowledge, you feel freed by it. Released.”
Able to breathe in the knowing.

 
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