May 13th, 2004
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a faint glow

So picture the author running down the street at top speed, laughing and yelling ‘ha!’
I am a chalking fiend these days, but don’t tell my fellow townspeople, I’m trying to keep my identity under wraps. There are enough quotes to fill the streets for years. Late night wanderings with chunks of blue and orange dusting my fingers and clothes. sidewalks, walls, driveways, nothing is safe.
Regarding my talk, currently I float back and forth between, “damn right, I have a lot to say and I want to yell it all at the top of my lungs to anyone who will listen. I feel great!” and the scared five year old who says, “Well, I just have to get through it without making an ass of myself, hopefully they will not think i am a complete freak.” Here I am in all my colourful glory. Opening up like a soft boiled egg. Bits of shell stuck in my hair.
Something about it is making me giddy. Scared but giddy. I am embracing parts of me for the first time. They feel like fireflies that are starting to glow more as the sun goes down. I am going to stay in a really fancy hotel that someone else is paying for. (I have never stayed in anything fancier than a Holiday Inn. I usually find hotels depressing.) I am going to wear my red running shoes and carry my ten year old knapsack with zippers that don’t work properly. I am going to walk through that fancy lobby in my jean skirt that has bits of used chalk in the pockets, wearing my Superhero necklace for added strength. I will smile at my new adventure. My bag will be full of books, wrinkled clothes, my laptop, a teddybear that my sister made for me, and a shiny black stone. Maybe I will take a walk on the beach and collect shells in my pockets. Or maybe I will have a long hot bath and try the fancy fluffy robes and the good towels. Maybe I will feel like an imposter. I am definitely going to order room service, Ha!
And I will be nervous. Maybe I will cry a little bit, because it is lonely in hotel rooms by yourself. Maybe I will call a friend. Maybe I will read my favourite authors who are like old friends that make me feel better. Maybe I will want to run screaming from that hotel and run back to my comfort zone. Maybe.
And all of it is o.k. Because there is this brilliant light deep within me that is waiting to come out and I don’t want to hide it anymore. No sir.
I am off on a new adventure. Back in ten days. More words upon my return.

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