Growing up I was surrounded by a large circle of creative women who helped to form the person that I am today.  This circle was started during my mother's teens, a bonding of friends that has grown over the years through adolescence, early adulthood, marriage, childbirth, death, painful times and onward.  The nature of this powerful circle is explained in the novel "The Divine Secrets of the YaYa Sisterhood" by Rebecca Wells, an inspiring and sometimes painful account of a deeply connected group of women (the YaYa's) and their offspring.  It details the complicated bonds between mothers and their children and the powerful connection that women create with each other over time.  When I read it I realized instantly how similar it was to my experience with my mother's friends.  The interesting thing about the women I am connected with (my YaYa's) is that they were not really aware of how intensely creative they are.  Now moving through their 50's with ease, coming into some greater insights about life and themselves they seem to be more aware of their power and their love of each other. 

When my mother died of cancer five years ago, there was a painful void left within this circle of friends.  But the YaYa's responded with their usual strength, they seem to have the ability to "take on" a crisis with unrelenting will.  They moved swiftly to surround my sister and I with maternal love and guidance, leaving me with the feeling of surrender and trust that hopefully accompanies moments of intense grieving.  They provided me with familiarity, connection (a sense of belonging when I felt like a lost child), and food, lots of food. 

It is difficult to describe the impact their creativity has had on my life, I am not always aware of the depth of their influence.  But I have recently realized that it goes much deeper than I thought, into many of my ideas and ways of living.  I am so grateful to have had the opportunity to learn from these women and grateful to my mother for leaving me with a legacy of friendship and love, one of her greatest gifts to me.  It is exciting to now realize that the new circle of friends (created by the YaYa's offspring), is also creative, powerful and loving.  I think we are now starting to understand some of the things taught to us by our mothers (unknowingly they led by example).  I don't mean to imply that they are perfect, at best relationships between friends, mother's and daughters are complicated.  But now into our late 20's and early 30's we can see how lucky we are to have these intensely creative women in our lives and see ourselves through them.   For a while now I've been working on this list of things that I have learned from the YaYa's, it is not complete, I am still adding to it when a realization comes up.  I think for the rest of my life I will still be unwrapping the gifts they have passed on.
Here it is thus far:

1.  Laugh a LOT!  This is one major trait of the YaYa's, they are always laughing.  From the gut, bellowing, stress purging, life affirming guffaws.  They NEVER take life or themselves too seriously.
2.  Make your own fun  -you have the power to give your life meaning.  Plan a creative party, if you don't know what you're doing..."make it up as you go".  Sew something new, try a new recipe, create your own games.
3.  Sing together, don't worry about your voice, just sing.  It makes you feel good.
4.  Time spent with just women is life affirming.  The bond created between women is sacred.  For the last 10 years the YaYa's have held an annual "Women's Week" sometime in July.  During this week they talk endlessly, laugh, cry, have themed dinner nights, swim naked together, have spa days, drink wine, play crazy games, go shopping, practice decadence.  Now as the circle of offspring grows in closeness, we are starting our own "Women's Weekend" ritual.
5.  Love and friendship is more important than all the money in the world.  Value memories over things.  My "Aunt" Judy has a couple of sayings that I now use,  "We're creating memories", the acknowledgment of which is an example of mindfulness, valuing the moment.  And "Cheap and Cheerful", it doesn't have to cost a lot to brighten up your life or surroundings.  I learned how to sew by watching my mother and "Aunt" Judy whip up a new tablecloth or outfit from nothing.
6.  Savour sunsets.  Every evening at the cottage, when the dishes are finished and put away, tea is made, long pants and sweaters are donned, and everyone heads single file down to the beach to watch the sunset.  It is a ritual that has been performed for years with great enthusiasm.  An long-standing act of gratitude that encourages us to "be present daily". 
7.  Nap daily.  You can usually find someone napping in the afternoon, on the beach, the couch, in a lawn chair.  It is actually heartily encouraged that you nap, throw blankets are always near when the need arises.
8.  Celebrate birthdays!  All people need to feel valued.  Whenever anyone has a birthday (even someone visiting whom they are unfamiliar with) there is always a big celebration.  This has the affect of making you feel like you really matter, don't we all just want someone to make us a cake?  Birthdays are important, they are a celebration of life!  (This is also true of anniversaries and milestones).
9.  Create your own rituals.  Rituals are important to keep us connected to our lives, the earth and each other.  Growing up we were always partaking in some new and unusual rituals.   At the cottage we had our very own Olympic games (coinciding with the real Olympics), The Heavenly Hash Bash (to signify the end of the summer),  we created regular performances for the YaYa's, and dressed in similar "uniforms" (T-shirts with each of our names emblazoned on the back.)  I always felt like a part of a really cool "club" while with my extended "family", and who could forget the Annual Turkey Parade at Thanksgiving (what started out as a small procession to move the turkey from Uncle Ted's house has evolved into a full parade with floats and performances by the YaYa's.)
10.  Children are a gift to be treasured and celebrated.  It takes a circle of women to help raise them.  They are continuing where my mother left off, which is interesting because it sometimes feels like she is still with them and a part of them (or that they are a part of her, I don't know which).   Some people say you choose your friends to bring out the best parts of yourself, I think this is definitely true with the Yaya's.
 

Keri Smith is a free-lance illustrator and native of Toronto.  A graduate of  O.C.A. she has a wide following of clients in North America and Japan.  She currently resides in a “magic” cottage in Flesherton, painting, illustrating, creating, writing, and living out loud.  Her first children's books, entitled Story in a Box have just been published by Chronicle Books.
 

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