April 6th, 2005
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get out your walking shoes

Oh m’dears it is true that i am growing and shifting and breaking down the very safety net that I had created. tried to create. Tis a beautiful thing this. I am most intrigued by the last comment regarding moving from illustrator to artist. This is most definitely something that I have been dealing with on an ongoing basis. I believe I will always be an illustrator at heart, not all art needs to have a deep conceptual message. Sometimes it is best to draw a flower for flower’s sake. Because one felt the need to draw it. Sometimes that can be a much more important statement than something that attempts to change the world.
These collages I have been doing lately have been so freeing for many reasons. While I am at some level attempting to make a pleasing image, I am also learning to let go of doing it perfectly, letting accidents happen, and at times trying to do something that maybe I don’t like all that much. Yesterday I did one that was all black. As an artist and a human my goal is to speak in my own voice, not the voice that is influenced or prodded by others. I think of a quote by Vita Sackville West,
“I have finally begun (at forty) to say something in my own voice.”
Yes. Yes Vita. This is the stuff I am talking about. This is good stuff that comes out of the deep pits of our bellies. This is what I am aiming for.
My mentor Linda Montgomery once told me that we go through a period of re-evaluation every seven years. A time to look at what we have done, what isn’t working for us, what we want out of our life. Sometimes we do it voluntarily, sometimes we are thrown into it by a trauma of some sort. Either way change happens, resist though we may.
My writing about it here is a symptom of an exiting out of the darkness.
I thank you for all your kind words and emails, they are the little bits of light that remind me that I am not alone.
Will you enter into the journey with me?

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