April 4th, 2005
aphasia


“The biggest force within an artist is this restlessness for the work that lies just over the lip of consciousness.” -Jim Harrison
words are slow in coming today. they are stuck to the hard surface of the white glue whose container I left open yesterday after doing some collages.
alas. there should be a word for the feeling of disappointment you get when you realize you left your glue open, or that you forgot to clean a paintbrush and it is now a dry hardened lump. happens quite a bit in my world.
how is it that an artist can never seem to create the things that exists in one’s head? As Harrison suggests this is the very thing that urges us on. This thing that we are reaching towards every day. I liken it to an aphasia of sorts, I feel like I know what I want to say yet I can’t find the words (or in the case of painting, the imagery). I suppose this is something we must get used to, this inability to say exactly what we want with a work. It feels like it is right there sitting beyond the reach of my outstretched fingers.
And instead of feeling frustrated I will try to be grateful for it. It is the thing that makes me want to get out of bed in the morning. To try again.
I wake up, I make a painting.
I try to make it look like what I see in my head. It doesn’t. so I mess with it a bit more.
Sometimes I like it, sometimes not. If i like it i feel like the greatest artist in the world, brilliant and powerful. If not I feel like a hack, a failure, a fraud, that I should just quit now and leave it to others who have real talent.
I go for walks and read and eat. Sleep.
I wake up and try it all again.
The beauty is in that restlessness.

Apr 4 2005
5:58 pm
Keri Smith writes:

Is it fixed?

Apr 4 2005
5:58 pm
Keri Smith writes:

Is it fixed?


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