April 11th, 2005
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what makes a home?

The last few months have seen me contemplating some big changes in my life. Most recently, a possible move to the west coast. On one hand the idea of making a move is terrifying and overwhelming, how does one deal with all of the threads of a life? How does one let go of an old life, a home, a country, friends. But then there are thoughts of something new, a new space to explore, new friends to make, new opportunities with a career, growth, forward movement. Despite all of the fears. A long time ago I decided that I would not take the easy route with things, and for the most part I have kept up with this. Yes, there are times when I feel myself wanting to back down from challenges, but I come up to meet them again, and I do. Never really knowing for sure what the “right” choice is. There is no right choice.
I wrote to a friend this morning, “In some rather dark moments I have got on my knees and said to the universe, “Tell me what to do! I have no idea what course I should take!!!” I can be extemely impatient at times, and want an answer NOW. But it does not work that way. I know that it is much better to sit, and listen, and let the answer ‘come in’. The heart knows, but we don’t trust it most of the time. Instead of “what do I do?”, the question might better be, “how do I trust my heart?”
How indeed.
A beautiful thing that is happening because of this is that I am contemplating all of the things in my life. The stuff. What does one really need to survive? How much of it we carry around in our lives, at what cost? Many things I keep out of habit, because I have always had them and not because they are adding to my life in any way. I am forced to look at what I am willing to let go of and what I am not. What owns me? What is holding me back? What do I really need. I think back to my stay at the boathouse a few years ago. A small one room shack from the 1920′s that had everything in it one needed to live well. It was incredibly sparse. The main source of entertainment was a pair of binoculars, used to peer out at the ocean where at any moment one could spot seals, fishermen, large boats, birds, etc. A bed, a toaster oven, some dishes, a library.
And so a list begins. I am adding to it as I go (excuse the ink blot, my pen leaked).

added to that…
-some favourite clothes
-cooking tools
-a few dishes
-a teapot
-a stove of some kind
-a table and chairs
-a bed
-bed linens
-a container to hold flowers
-a good pair of shoes (maybe a few of these)
-a bag to carry things
-a bike
-a way to wash your clothes + clothesline
- a way to wash your body (bath/shower)
-a bathroom
-cleaning tools

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